please be forwarded to www.loannajoanna.wordpress.com

also-- i so should've posted this like, months and months ago.

so i'm very mad at myself. i fully intended to write on this allllll summer, and NO! i haven't.

i'm a jerk.

i will write in about 13 days when i am officially away from mydistracting job and life in circleville.

yeah.

things are good, if that's ANY SORT of an update.  i'm sorry, i have failed you all... since like 2 ppl read this.

so, i haven't written for a while. it's sad because that means that i haven't had much time to just RELAX and be myself, which is not good. it sucks when you think you are losing sight of who you are and what you want (which is not what's going on) however, it just makes me think about times when i WAS like that, and be grateful that that is NOT THE CASE now. :)

so those were just some pictures that i LOVE from the past few days. actually, they were from last nights CRU formal. it was actually fun once we didn't feel like such losers. it was quite comical actually. we showed up and only like 10 ppl were there. and mind you, we had NO IDEA who some of them were. anyways, heath really wanted to dance, but i was like.. wow this is awkward, so i just opted to pretend to talk to other people and eat some crackers and cheese. buuuuuut, finally some other people showed up, so it was all good.

also yesterday Tiffany (girl in the semi-hippie picture above) and i search for Sunflowers at Kroger. we both actually love sunflowers. which i find really weird because out of all of our similarities, SUNFLOWERS is so random. i haven't really ever met another person who says that they are their favorites. sooo, with this fact in mind, we thought we should buy our dates sunflowers. so, obviously, we succeeded at it. :)

i am at beaner's right now. i honestly love coming here. i mean, sure. i get distracted sometimes, but honestly.. i think it's the whole idea of actually GOING somewhere to work on something rather than sitting in my completely disastorous room. hahahha, seriously. i should take some pics of it to show the 3 ppl who read this other than me. lol

i decided that Missions is the bomb. i am just so so so so excited to serve God one day. it seems like almost a waste to be in college when you don't even need a degree. BUT, i know know know know i am supposed to be here with the people i know here and the classes and opportunities to love others. God is amazing. i love everything about Toledo. Sure, there are some people who just get on my nerves, however, when i focus on how incredible the 202380293023 other people are that are in my life, then i feel incredible blessed and it's like, ok, this is TOTALLY worth it. also-- i switch my major to communications so i can work with different Missions organizations such as Compassion and several others in Africa and around the world. Compassions base is actually located in Colorado.. so even that is amazing. :)

i am attempting to write my research paper. it isn't going so well. i just find myself wanted to upload videos on YouTube or look at people's blogs or search for hilarious videos on YouTube.  speaking of which.. look up aicha. it's like the third video that comes up. it's this kid who is very similar to Napoleon. lol. hahahha it's awesome. you will completely love yourself a lot if you end up watching it.

anyways, i really hope to get a passing grade on my research paper. We are supposed to make an arguement. i was like, ok i can SO do this. but then, i was like, i just don't even know what i want to write about!!!! so i chose, africa. however, this proved to be a very very very broad topic. i mean, there are just so many terrible things going on there that i couldn't narrow it down... so i thought, hmmm, wellllll, i am ALL ABOUT showing people love and loving Jesus.. and i really feel that love can save the world if we just let ourselves actually give of ourselves to others... soooo, i decided i would write about: Love Can Save the World.  AHHHHHH!! i mean, seriously. i feel very bold about writing about this as well. i really don't even know everything i want to write in it. i started with Jesus and i think i am going to try to relate to others who aren't Christian because you can love others just because you are human..

anyways, i guess i better get working on that.

love.

thank you casting crowns.

so, i just realized, i had a wonderful weekend and yesterday was just amazing. my weekend started off with last Friday. i got up. i needed quarters, so i couldn't sleep in. i HAD to get to the bank. so i went there, then i went to beaner's. it was just great to go there, though it was terribly busy. Jake was working so it was good to see him. as i was drinking my berry cream freeze i saw a butterfly. right in front of my eyes. she was actually a 3 year old girl named Julia wearing butterfly wings, pink tights, ballet shoes.. the whole get up. and let me tell you, she was such a gorgeous little girl. she had such a spirit about her. her family was nice too. i just talked a little with her mom. yeah, some may think it's weird to completely start talking randomly with some woman, but honestly, i just don't care! hah. i am just so completely excited that i said that. and meant it. God is good...

on another note.. saturday was nice too. i went on a date. with jake. we have had a rough few weeks due to the fact that i focus too much on the stupid things in life and being overwhelmed with abrubt news of family sickness.. again, why?? it's so unfair God.

sunday, i slept. a lot. Jake's sister was baptized in Archbold. i had to miss the leadership meeting for CRU from 4-7 that day. but Brad said he felt that i should be able to help with the international students still. which is so exciting! i just love people who are different from me.. their stories just really open your eyes.. :)

monday was beautiful. thank you God. went to the park with Jake. it was just great. then we went to Zakuska. sam had us watch this video about the Invisible Children. I cried. it was just so reaffirming of what i should do with my life. praise God for that! talked to tiffany about it. it was great. she was just as excited as i was. :) i'm glad i know people like her. it definately makes those people whom i feel aren't worth my time anymore due to the fact that i am not work a second of theirs, totally worth living. oh, and i found my topic for my final research paper. i am actually so excited to learn more about it, weird i know. i just don't know as much as i want to about Northern Uganda, the genocide there and the invisible children/child soldiers... when i see that stuff i still can't help but be like.. "God, where are you?"  but then i realize, like i did today when writing my in class essay, God is right there with them. Maybe moreso than with any of us. Jesus IS the hungry, the poor, any person needing love... i am just so excited to be able to show them love one day. and until, pray for them with every fiber of my being.  There was one boy, Sunday, who doesn't have money for a uniform for school. he's a genius mind you. anyhow, they send him away every day since he doesn't have a uniform. and what does he do? HE GOES BACK. everyday. are you kidding me? i sometimes miss classes because i don't want to walk to Palmer.. and he goes back. day after day because he KNOWS that if he misses he will just be delayed in becoming a DOCTOR. suddenly i felt like.. wow.. God, you just blew my mind. i cried more.

today is going to be great. i am thinking about that boy, Sunday, all day... it just makes things go by a little lighter.  i have so much to worry about and it gets my down sometimes.. but honestly, i should be thinking about how Blessed i am to even have worries and frustrations like i do...

God really just showed me his grace and love...

it's also encouraging when i read other people's posts.. it just changes my attitude a lot.. like reading Jolie's posts. i don't really know her, only met her once around the Christmas Tea here two years ago, though she won't really remember that, it's crazy to see all the stuff she and Chelsea are dealing with and how much they feel so blessed to live here. :) it's just crazy to think, i was actually supposed to be in Wales right now, studying abroad. but no. i am in Toledo, OH. it's strange how God works. without being here i wouldn't have met some of the most amazing people in all of the world.. i am truely in awe of how God works... you should be too.

:) praise God.

yesterday was April Fools day. and i got fooled. one of my friends told me that he broke his arm falling while playing golf. i fully believed him..  jerk.

to top it off, yesterday was "just one of those days"... great.

Question: why do people, good people, people i love, have to get sick? it's completely unfair.. and i am having a hard time dealing with it.. like hardcore.

i wish i still had jordan's seasons of the office.. they were always a highlight to my days.  it's sunny out today, but does that mean it's warm? NO! :( it breaks my heart is all.. i just wish i was in Africa.. helping people.. that would be awesome possum.

well, its 11:21... and i haven't managed to do anything. maybe i will watch tv??

eh, we shall see.

love. love love love love love.... LOVE. love. love.

Sex, Objectification and Advertisement

            Currently, women are told that to be beautiful they must wear a certain style of clothing, have a certain color of hair, be a certain weight or height, and that if she ‘puts out’ then she will get what she wants. These are artificial exterior characteristics that shouldn’t be a deciding factor if a woman is beautiful or not. Weight-loss, fashion and cosmetic ads portray women as an ‘item’ and the only way a woman can be beautiful and desirable is to use the advertisement’s product. However, in churches and schools across America, women are told that beauty comes from within. They tell women that their hearts, minds and desires for greater things are desirable qualities and make a woman truly beautiful. In a society that contradicts itself so much in how we portray women and ‘true’ beauty, how is a woman supposed to know if she is really beautiful?

            On television, one can see just how advertisements try to ‘attack women’ by grabbing their attention with beautiful, idolized actresses trying to sell the product from the ad. In such ads, these women are beautiful, thin, have perfect makeup, stylish clothes and, all in all, just make the ‘average women’ feel a little less than ugly if she doesn’t look exactly like the actress featured on the ad. Teen girls cannot get away from it either. There are constant reminders on television reminding young girls of their oily skin and less than perfect hair and clothing styles. Women are constantly at the mercy of television ads. In some ads, such as ads involving clothing are very provocative and do not make women look modest by any means. Such ads portray women as ‘easy’ and if a woman wants to get a man, she must conform to such clothing and subject themselves to vulgar seduction from men. In perfume ads, such as Dior, the young actress slowly takes off her clothing to reveal an almost nude body. Many would view this ad as borderline pornography, and I would have to agree. I feel that such ads, while trying to get woman to be able to feel sexy about themselves, are ultimately showing women that true beauty is provocative and seductive, which I do not feel is the case at all.

            Even when surfing the net we cannot run away from offensive ads. I remember logging onto my Myspace account one day. While awaiting the log-in to be complete, I was greeted by a video of a girl wearing barely there clothing with her hair tousled about telling me to join her in a chat in a sexy tone of voice. I found this ad beyond insulting. For one thing, I do not like women. Secondly, I do not want my younger sisters logging onto the internet being greeted by such a scandalous girl/guy. I also do not want my boyfriend or male friends looking at the girl and ultimately being convinced that that is how a ‘real woman’ should act. I have noticed an increase in young girls feeling that if they flaunt their bodies around, then men will want them, and not necessarily in a forever kind of way. It saddens me to see such beautiful girls, many younger than me, trying to prove themselves worthy of affection of such vulgar men. On Facebook, I cannot get away from seeing these young girls in scandalous clothing and confrontational, seductive poses when I am just searching for one of my closest friends to add. I feel that much of this is due to the obscene ads on television, magazines, and billboards. More so, I feel that young girls begin to think that true beauty is a girl wearing dark makeup, pout lips and her boobs pushed up to her neck so all can see from the internet. Most teens and young adults spend more time on the internet rather than reading their school books or socializing around the campus. So, it’s no wonder that these girls feel that they have to have that certain sultry look to attract a man when all they see are such ads on the internet.

            When driving back to my hometown from school I cannot get away from such crude ads. There are adult bookstores everywhere, and they always know how to attract their ‘audience’ into them. This past summer I went to visit my aunt in Las Vegas, my hometown. It was great being back, but I couldn’t even imagine the changes that I saw. I haven’t really been aware of it since I moved, but “Sin City” has certainly gotten worse. Billboards everywhere, and I mean everywhere, where advertising the male striptease show Thunder from Down Under and The Pussy Cat Dolls. These billboards had less than half naked, perfectly built, sexy men and women just seducing one into their world of sex and vulgarity. I guess I didn’t really notice it until I have gotten much older, but I found that I was very offended by such ads. I am in no way a prude, but I still found that I felt bad about myself because I don’t look like those women. However, I also don’t wear sexy lingerie around town like they did. So, to me, I am doing pretty well for myself.

            In searching through a magazine, I found an ad for a hair product for men. Its tagline says, “Bring out your sexy in just one application.” The two page ad portrays a young girl and guy just stepped into an elevator on the first floor heading up to the tenth floor. They are looking at each other from the corner of their eyes on the first page.  When they reach the tenth floor, they both have their clothes half off and their hair a complete mess and both with a flirtatious and ‘naughty’ look on their faces. Stamped on the ad is the warning, “Product may require reapplication after vigorous activity.”  This ad is designed to create an image of sexuality that men and women can ‘hook up’ with anyone at anytime anywhere if they use the hair product in the advertisement. Ads such as this particular ad make young adults have a false sense of individuality and a wrong idea about the opposite sex.

            Advertisements everywhere have become more and more driven on sex and apparently the idea that sex sells. However, if we would step back and look at the humorous ads and see the real meaning behind them we would be completely appalled at how we are being targeted. In the article, “Two Ways a Woman Can Get Hurt” from Rereading America, Kilbourne says that “most of us become numb to these images, just as we have become numb to the daily litany in the news of women being raped, battered, and killed (Kilbourne. p. 428).”  Honestly, we aren’t the ones at fault for this careless act of disgust surrounding us daily. It’s saddening to hear about children being lead to violence and sex crimes. It’s no wonder when we sit down and actually look at the real intention of ads, television shows or video games.

            Ultimately, we know that we cannot escape such advertisements. However, we can realize how we as men and women are being attacked and basically used in the way advertisements are constructed to trigger senses in us. I know for me it is very hard to see an ad and not compare myself to the girl in the ad. So, naturally, there are numerous girls out there that feel the same. I feel that no ad in any way should ever bring us to a point of despair where we force ourselves to go into depression and have an eating disorder. Society should not determine what true beauty and attractiveness is. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder and should be determined by the way a guy or girl presents him/her and what his/her character is built on. Honestly, sex only sells because we allow it to. Perhaps we are the ones who should determine what beauty is and how we will allow ourselves to be portrayed in a worldview.

some things in life i rarely realize that i like, until i don't have them or realize.. it's really hard to keep them around..

however, i am rather excited because... i have a child! Rosalinda Wawu.. she's beautiful. no, she isn't my REAL child, but she is just as amazing... and will have to do until i have kids one day (one day.. LONG LONG LONG FROM NOW! mind you...)

sometimes, i feel rather stupid. i just get upset at the stupidest things.. and frustrated... honestly, i am BLESSED to have the frustrations i DO have.. God has blessed me so much.. and i feel so terrible for not realizing this until things get so overwhelming that i just... cry...

anyhow, i love God.. He has been trying so hard lately to show me how merciful and awesome He is.. and i have just been pushing it away.. why oh why do i do that??

on to other news... i am excited to room with some crazy and cool gals next year.. what a blessing!! :)

i really just love talking to people.. it's sad that some people are leaving here soon to graduate and live awesome God-filled lives.. but also, there are people who are stuck here, just like me.. and it shall be ok..

i am just really excited to serve God completely one day.. it's going to rock.. until then, i pray i can be content with now and wake up every morning KNOWING WHAT i am LIVING for.. :) and being freaking stoked for right now.. because, honestly.. why shouldn't i be??

right now is pretty good...

later days! :)

ok, well. i apparently suck at life. i just typed a whole bunch for this entry and somehow did something on my laptop and thus, this is the 2nd entry...

things have been beyond hectic and frustrating lately.  i find it funny actually. but i haven't been laughing much about it... in fact. it's been a lot of crying and just being at this moment of utter heartache and not really grasping how much God actually loves me.   these past few weeks have been good ones though. i feel like i am getting to know more people here and i think they are finally getting to know who i am, or atleast are at that point where they maybe realized that i am not a terrible person and i really just like everyone... it's cool.

i will try to recap some things i remember, i am not sure of the days.. soo yeah...

uh well, i know that last week was terrible with school. i have this math teacher that i am fairly sure doesn't really speak but is more so a computer. i believe that my ears have stopped working at some points in her class because i failed to recount anything she said.. it's terrible. i actually took an exam in there. yeah, it was terrible. but a ray of hope : she said that if we did better on this next exam, she would take the better grade and replace it for the worse grade. so that's really REALLY good news.. except... this stuff is even more confusing, especially when my teacher is not American.. :( yeah it sucks.

hmm, well i know i caught up with Brooke sometime in the past week. i just love her. she has been such an inspiration for me and just a really really good friend through everything. she has been there for the worst, most brokenhearted moments of my life, last semester, and she still loves me. it's so cool to talk to her now when i am so beyond happy, i am JOYFUL for God and because i really HAVE God. you know?? it's really reallly  coooll, i could go on for like hours just about our convo, but honestly, you wouldn't really care anyways.. haha. just know, i love her and it was so encouraging to talk with one of my greatest friends, ever. :)

Jake. well, maybe it's about time i started to say stuff about him.  well, he is just amazing. such a great guy running after God's heart. i honestly never thought that there were people like that out there.  it's funny because there is so much i can talk about in regards to him and just what a great person he is and how he has impacted my life.. but all i can say is. wow. God. You have blessed me with placing him in my life..  i think the best part of knowing Jake is really the fact that he understands that i am just not ready for a RELATIONSHIP (although anyone who would see us would tell you that there is something going on.. haha. many have. )  but it's more difficult as i try to explain it.   i guess it's really nobody's business, but i don't care. i LOVE sharing.   i think Jake is such an amazing guy and i wouldn't want to hurt him by rushing into a boyfriend girlfriend thing JUST YET, because i know there are some things i need to sort out with God and just finding confidence with God... finding confidence in general. it wouldn't be fair at all to bring someone else into a life like this.. one where sometimes i don't even love myself... how could i love another??  it's confusing.. but God has really blessed us and our understanding of eachother surprises me more and more everyday... God is indescribable!!

i actually had someone of a breakdown like... the other day. and some last night too. school has just become overwhelming.. and i hate POLITICAL SCIENCE. i shouldn't have chosen this major. i just feel so lead to Communications... so i am going to talk to an Adviser here soon about changing and getting out of my Poli Sci class.. which is.... by the way... an upper level course.. it sucks.

oh!!! i got an A- on my essay for Ian. yeah, i was a bit surprised. he was a big jerk about the same sex marriage thing since i didn't cite anything like the Bible or something.. but whatever. i got my A.  who even gives A- ??? seriously.. that's really homo Ian. really HOMO.

it snowed here. a lot. actually, it was snowing terribly as i walked across campus to my math class. it was really windy too. and while i was be-bopping to my ipod... i crossed the street. i heard a car honk.. i disregarded it. i was taught to not pay attention to that stuff.. so yeah. well, i get to my class.. which is a significant ways away from said road crossing.. well this kid comes up behind me and hands me my ID, which at that very second, i was frantically searching for.  then walked away. he wasn't even going to the same place i was.  What an angel?? That kid was seriously so awesome. i just can't give over how great that was that he chased me down. I feel i must pay it forward now.. but how??

OH!! i think it was... last friday maybe??? i was bored. and i was talking to Jake about how i just wish i had more friends here (especially girls) and how i just wasn't sure if people (girls) here really even liked me AT ALL.. and then i was like, "you know what?? i am NEVER going to have friends if i don't make the effort!"  so i called my friend Jenny to see what she was up to. we both don't have classes on Friday (thank God for that!!).  so i call her and she invited me to go with her and some girls to Beaner's (i refuse to call it Biggby)... to study.. so i go. it was cool. i didnt really get much studying done.. but it was ok. i met some sweet girls and it was awesome!!  i know i sound absolulty retarded when it comes to this.. but this has always been my problem. i know girls. i AM ONE!!! but its like, i never really had that many good ones in high school.. like REAL RELATIONSHIPS, centered on God and stuff.. it's confusing, but you don't really have to understand.. just grasp it.... so yeah.  well when i am there Jenny invited me to go with her and her roommate to get something to eat later. so i go with Jake to get my car and stuff and then i get back to my room. OF COARSE i check Facebook.. and some other girls had invited me to hang out with them.. it was cool.. well long story short... we all just end up doing something together. it was cool :)  for once, i felt really accepted.. you know?? it sounds so stupid.. but ok.   then, after, we go to someone's house and play Rockband and Sing Song.. it was really cool. i feel like they really got to know who i was a little better and see that i am not this quiet person.. that i am a goober at heart that really just loves everyone.. atleast I HOPE that's what they gathered... haha

anyhow.. some other stuff has happened, but i just don't care to write about it.

today is February 13th.. great.  i have never liked Valentine's day. i don't know why. i just never have. and this year, i actually have a valentine (lol) and it's just lame.. i really just want to eat chips and dip and watch The Breakfast Club.. that's it!!!  oh and go to CRU. haha

ok well i am going to go and live my life some.....

love to all! :)